Ephemera

Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke

Posted by Hitch at 09:17 AM | Permalink

Posted by Hitch at 12:44 PM | Permalink

Signal Sorcerer Traffic Light Changers

(Warning: extremely annoying sound and animation on seemingly every page.)

This is some grade-A prime bullshit here. Do people fall for this? Why am I asking? They buy stickers to put in the battery compartments of their cell phone to boost reception.

Listen up. There's enough iron in your car to trip the detector in the road at a traffic light. And even if there wasn't, do you really think some $20 piece of crap you bought off a website is going to make a difference?

I hate stupid people. If you bought one of these do me a favor and poke yourself in the face. (I'm still waiting for the technology that will allow me to do that over the internet to be invented.)

Posted by Hitch at 11:47 AM | Permalink

Some members of the JREF Forums at http://www.randi.org decided to have fun making up their own conspiracy theories mocking those of true "Moonbats" who carry on about the destruction of the World Trade Center. Reading these points, a chilling picture of the true mastermind behind the destruction of the Death Star emerges:

1) No Death Star was ever destroyed in the manner seen. Entropy tells us that the Death Star should have sat around for a long time, until falling into a Black Hole.

2) The 'Chain Reaction Photon Torpedo' theory is absurd and has no basis in fact! A Hut mechanic has being quoted as saying that the only way such an explosion could have happened is if someone threw a wrench into the power core!

3) The alleged 'target' for the 'Chain Reaction' to start was no bigger than 2 meters! Simply an impossible target.

4) The Death Star, according to its specifications, was supposed to have sufficient firepower to fend off an entire fleet of warships. Yet somehow a handful of obsolete fighters were able to dance around on its surface?!!!!

5) Several reports were heard of 'earlier explosions' happening on the Death Star. Claims that these were results of other Photon Torpedoes do not make sense! Obviously the Death Star was destroyed with planted explosives placed in the walls when the thing was built.

6) Conveniently, the man second only to the Emporer himself was stationed a the Death Star. Yet he conveniently is 'out in a TIE Fighter' when the place blows up! Since when do our leaders fly in barely armored fighters!!!!!!!!? Some months later the same leader kills several Imperial Commanders who obviously asked too many questions!

7) A Freighter backup co-pilot claimed that flying in the 'approach trench' as hypothsised by the Imperial WTFJH comittee is 'impossible'. The trench, as seen in photos was obviously too narrow to fly anything in and is filled with TurboLasers in case anyone tries to do it!

8) The aforementioned Leader, as documents reveal, is actually the FATHER of the 'General S.' credited with destroying the Death Star!! Coincidence?!

9) Even more stunning is that merely days, or perhaps HOURS before the destruction of the Death Star, said 'General S' was actually ON THE DEATH STAR!!!!

10) Other sources indicate that 'General S' had no formal training as a pilot!!! He was described back at his planet of origin as being a 'dreamy kid, reckless, and always wanting to make his speeder go faster! Hardly the qualifications needed to perform such a task.

11) There was only one known survivor for the Empire and less than Half a dozen for the 'Rebellion'. Obviously both have been at work killing any potential whistleblowers!

12) Mere months after the destruction of the First Death Star, another one is suddenly in place!! It would seem that the Galaxyists plan these things in advance!!!

13) The Emporer, when getting news of the destruction, was at a Clone Training base, intimidating young clones into proper behavior. When informed, he continued to intimidate the youngsters and all the others in the area! Obviously he must have known in advance what would happen!!!

14) In another convenient 'coincidence' it turns out that the 'General S' and The Imperial Leader who survived both knew and work with the same person: A 'General K'.

15) Later records indicate that the plans for the Death Star fell into the hands of the rebellion inside of a droid that had once been owned by the Empires #2 man, in the company of another droid BUILT by the Empires #2 man, and accompanied by a message from his daughter!

16) Some reports place a freighter known to belong to a known smuggler in the vicinity of not one, but BOTH death star "explosions." What, or WHO, was he smuggling in or out of those Death Stars?

17) General S. Was seen by several eyewitnesses to give the aforementioned droids as "gifts" to a notorious Hutt Gangster just before the second Death Star became operational. The gangster was killed in a supsicious "sailbarge accident" shortly thereafter. What were they trying to cover up?

18) Both General S. and the No. 2 man in the Empire were, or had been, members of an elite secret society calling themselves "Jedi Knights".

19) The official story of the destruction of the second Death Star makes no more sense than the first. How did a small tribe of furry Ewoks overcome a batatlion of crack Imperial Stormtroopers, who not only had blasters but were reknowned for their shooting acuracy?

20) General S.' wherabouts cannot be accounted for between his appearance at the Battle of Hoth and his role in the desctruction of the second Death Star. Some sources put him on Bespin.....MEETING WITH HIS FATHER!

21) The smuggler was involved in an altercation at the Mos Isley SpacePort just days before being seen at the scene of the first Death Star "explosion." Witness reports were unanimous that he wantonly murdered his companion. Yet the video indicates that he was fired upon and only fired back in self defense! What power is manipulating those video tapes or those witnesses?

(All items copied verbatim from the forums, don't try to correct MY spelling, grammar, or punctuation.)

Posted by Hitch at 01:21 PM | Permalink

First up we have Lucha Loco a look into the wondeful world of Luchadores. If you don't know what this is, you're really missing out.

Then we have Weta Originals - Rayguns. Part of me really wants one of these, but then I see they don't have prices listed -- which tels me it's a case of, "If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Posted by Hitch at 12:42 PM | Permalink

Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating Watchmen

Posted by Hitch at 08:27 AM | Permalink

I'm sure I've had a few visitors looking for the Football Pool I ran on this site for several years. I have decided not to continue that. I enjoyed it quite a bit for a while, but by the end of last season it had become more work than fun, so I'm letting that go by the wayside. I hope you understand.

Posted by Hitch at 10:12 AM | Permalink